冯?梅克夫人致柴可夫斯基（2/2）
《世界上最动人的书信》作者：（美）海明威 2017-04-13 16:08
broken in my heart? The thought that you were near that woman was bitter and unbearable.
And do you know what a wicked person I am? I rejoiced when you were unhappy with her! I reproached myself for that feeling. I don't think I betrayed myself in any way, and yet I could not destroy my feelings. They are something a person does not order.
I hated that woman because she did not make you happy, but I would have hated her a hundred times more if you had been happy with her. I thought she had robbed me of what should be mine only, what is my right, because l love you more than anyone and value you above everything in the world.
If this knowledge bothers you, forgive my involuntary confession. I have spoken out. The reason is, the symphony. But I believe it is better for you to know that I am not such an idealistic person as you think. And then, it cannot change anything in our relationship. I don't want any change. I should like to be sure that nothing will be changed as my life draws to its close, that nobody… But that I have no right to say. Forgive me and forget all I have said—my mind is upset.
Forgive me, please, and realize that I feel well and that I am in need of nothing. Good?by； dear friend, forget this letter, but do not forget your heartily loving,
N. von Meck
P.S. Would you mind, please, acknowledging the receipt of this letter?
And do you know what a wicked person I am? I rejoiced when you were unhappy with her! I reproached myself for that feeling. I don't think I betrayed myself in any way, and yet I could not destroy my feelings. They are something a person does not order.
I hated that woman because she did not make you happy, but I would have hated her a hundred times more if you had been happy with her. I thought she had robbed me of what should be mine only, what is my right, because l love you more than anyone and value you above everything in the world.
If this knowledge bothers you, forgive my involuntary confession. I have spoken out. The reason is, the symphony. But I believe it is better for you to know that I am not such an idealistic person as you think. And then, it cannot change anything in our relationship. I don't want any change. I should like to be sure that nothing will be changed as my life draws to its close, that nobody… But that I have no right to say. Forgive me and forget all I have said—my mind is upset.
Forgive me, please, and realize that I feel well and that I am in need of nothing. Good?by； dear friend, forget this letter, but do not forget your heartily loving,
N. von Meck
P.S. Would you mind, please, acknowledging the receipt of this letter?